Steady goes it

I stepped on the scales, after being afraid to after a couple days of going a bit beyond my calorie intake. I'm glad I did! I am officially down 25.5 lbs since I have been back at counting calories and protein, and getting serious about this shit! Can I say that I'm sooooo proud of myself!! Yet, I am still 12 lbs higher than I was at the lowest point since the surgery. But I'm good with that, and I know I WILL GET THERE! More importantly, I know what I did wrong when I started gaining the weight back, and I won't let myself make that mistake again. Seriously. This girl is not going back. I know myself, my body, and my reactions and my triggers better than ever now. I'm being real with myself, no longer lying to myself about what does and doesn't work.

Meanwhile, while I patiently wait to drop another 51 lbs or so (ugh) I am trying to stay motivated as much as possible! I'm avoiding food porn, because I know that I'll go beyond just craving it, and downright eating a mountain of whatever I am craving. It has been interesting - realizing these downfalls and imperfections that I have, but instead of ignoring them, or trying to change them, I am getting real and acknowledging that I have to prevent the cravings to begin with. In a way, I am gaining food maturity! But, in being honest, I made my dd some Stouffer's Mac and cheese tonight (well, re-heated it anyway!), and I found myself licking the plate after it was gone! Such a sucker!

Now is when I'm going to get a bit philosophical - warning! I am so blessed to have a nice home, a husband who loves me, a beautiful daughter (after trying sooo hard to have her), and it is such a nice feeling to see myself beginning to blossom with confidence. I am enjoying the idea of reaching my goal weight instead of being afraid that it wouldn't happen. I love to see my neck thinning out, my ankles and collar bones returning, to see a bit of a waist again! I can't complain - and I can't explain it, but I know that it is different this time. It is just a feeling, but something I can't put my finger on. I just know that it is the right time, and that this IS going to work. It is no longer a question of if, but when. What a fantastic feeling!!