Holding steady

That's me. Holding on and holding steady. Since I posted last, I have only had one day where I have gone beyond my calorie count. Only one day. But the scale has moved up a few pounds. WTH??? or even better...WTF?? Haven't been working out, so I can't blame it on muscle gain. So who knows. TTOM? Well, given that I don't have any girl parts anymore (hysterectomy back in winter) except one ovary, I doubt I would have that much weight gain (even though the doc says I will still have emotional lows during the normal TTOM). So, what gives?

So, like most of us, I get depressed by what I see on the scale. That stupid number. That stupid scale. So, of course all I've wanted to do is stuff my stupid face. BUT I HAVEN'T!!! I've stayed strong and haven't given in. I even begged my dh to give me some ice cream and pizza love last night, but he wouldn't budge and gave me that knowing glance. "F that" is what I said, but I knew he was right. So, this morning, after going to bed and waking with a feeling that I am leaner, I stepped on the scales, and asked it, pleaded with it, to show me another number. Well, F the scales again. One pound higher. What did I do? Laughed. Laughed again. Said F you again. Then I took a step back, and knew immediately that I would want to eat a small barge worth of food today. Then I thought to myself "Remember that you are doing things differently this time. How exactly are you going to get even with the scales by eating more? You are just going to feed the beast and make yourself feel worse." So, I am glad to say that I stayed strong. I got dressed after having a lazy morning, and then had an NSV. THANK GOD FOR NSVS WHEN YOU REALLY NEED THEM! I tried on jeans, and they felt loose. I tried on my jeans that were really tight a few months ago, and they have loosened up as well! I was feeling a bit cocky, like: "take that you fuckin' number on the scale! I don't care what you say if my clothes feel better!" BTW, I say fuck a lot, especially after living in a city known for cussing. So I did well on my diet again today, and I might step on the scales again tomorrow, but quite honestly, I'm not going to let three numbers determine how I will eat, how I will feel, or let them deter my progress. F that. I'm holding on.