Warning: Rambling post

225.2 - this is the number that marks my new beginning. Since I posted last week, I have lost one lb of what I gained back. good. I'm dedicated again, and focused. I'm going back to the basics of counting my calories, counting my protein, drinking more water, eating consciously, and going back to smaller portions. I'm going to be 45 this summer. I would like to be at goal by then. Another 'at goal' date. ugh. I AM filled with self doubt that I can do it. But I am also filled with determination that I can. I really let myself slide in to old habits during the holiday. I got back to feeling like I could have a treat at night. I got back to keeping crap food at the house. I notice the weight gain in the way my clothes fit. It was only 6 pounds, but I feel it and see it. yuck. ugh. NO WAY AM I GOING TO LET MYSELF GET THAT BIG AGAIN. No way. No way. I also think I lost my way because I started thinking to myself that I was looking really good. But in reality, I'm still in the morbidly obese range. Not looking good at all yet. better? yes. good? no. Shit the bed Fred. seriously??? What was I thinking. Well, I was clearly thinking with just my f'in taste buds. No more.