This realization is even more pronounced because I am 10 months in since my surgery. I wanted to be at goal in one year's time. I'm 45 lbs from that. Damn.
So I bought some rollerblades, and a girlfriend and I have plans to exercise together a couple times a week this summer. I also am having my bike worked on - it will be ready soon. I'm going to get my ass on my treadmill too. I'm realizing that summer is not a couple months away, it is not a couple weeks away, it is here NOW! Damn.
So, I know this sounds like I am down and depressed, but I think I would describe it as becoming more aware, and trying to be my own best friend and telling myself to get rid of the fog that I've been in. It hasn't been bad, its just hard having a toddler that just entered the terrible twos (in the true sense of the word), not having enough 'me' time, having to deal with a new dog (we just adopted a sweetie of a greyhound - but the house has now reached a new level of cleaning maintenance - and I hate cleaning), the loss of my dear kittie Hunter 2 months ago due to prolonged kidney failure (he was 13 years old - and in a real way, my soulmate), and the stress of the end of the semester with teaching. So maybe it HAS been bad. All I can say is BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!! So what if life has been tough lately? Life isn't always a picnic. Damn.
When I went to San Diego a couple months ago, I was able to fit into some Anthropologie shirts, and was so excited I bought a few! I also went into a Karen Millen store, one that Catherine raves about. Love the store, but no fitting into that stuff any time soon. I think the largest size is a size 14 - and I think they are true sizes. But I was very motivated! Then, within 48 hours of being back, I came home and found Hunter in terrible shape. He had that 'look', and if you have ever had to put down a pet, you know what I am talking about. Sad thing is that I felt that I shouldn't go to San Diego - I just felt that something wasn't right. Intuition is a gift, I truly believe that, but sometimes it just sucks. I had to have him put down by strangers at an emergency pet clinic at 2 am. I was by his side when he went. And I told him that the place he was going to was going to be wonderful - a place with no pain, no needles, no sub-q fluids, no pills, and that he could eat all the tuna he wanted and chase butterflies and bees while running in green grass while in the sun. Then I had to put my kittie in a box, take him home, and wait until the morning to take him to the pet crematorium. Horrible, horrific night. Damn.
Okay, enough of that shit.
Two more months until my bandiversary. It is very possible that I could lose 20 lbs by then if I kick myself into shape, right? Its summer, and I can breath a sigh of relief! School is over, Hunter is in a better place, and our new doggie is wonderful, and Fiona is only a 'terrible two' about 1/3 of the time - the other 2/3s are great! and I'm going to Vegas for my 5 yr anniversary to hubby when my bandiversary hits - so things are looking UP! Time for the scale to go DOWN! Damn.
Sorry for the long rant - I hope you are all well.
XO,
Kimberly
4 comments:
I am so sorry for your loss and all that has been going on. We are currently dealing with a very sick cat (she has mammary cancer)and I dread that day when we have to put her down. She is acting pretty normal right now, but we know it is only a matter of time.
Sometimes I just want to eat to make my sadness and worry go away... but you know, it only makes me sadder. And when I think about it, my cat wouldn't want me to be sick... and neither would yours.
Get back at it, you can do this!
Sorry about your pet, that's so hard to deal with. I know it's hard, but try to look at your successes without the time frame in your head. You've done great, not everyone speeds through, but you're losing and still living your life, what a gift that is. Be nice to yourself!
So sorry to hear about your loss. They are just like children aren't they??? I am sure with some exercise and good eating you can get closer to your goal for your anniversary. We are here to support you all the way
Thanks much ladies! I know that I'll always find support with y'all. Anna - I'm sorry to hear of your kitty too. I hope you have some good quality time together. Emotional eating is my roadblock - and you are right - I always feel worse after! Tessie and Bandit - thanks for the pep talk.
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